When I see myself in you

Just walked down to my washroom and looked into the mirror. They say that a mirror shows you who you are and what you are. It is said to show you the real "you".

But today when I walked in front of the mirror, I didn't see me. I gazed on that image I saw in front of me. It was of a twenty-twenty two years old guy with untrimmed beard, threadbare spectacles, tensed face trying to find out answers to many unsolved questions in mind. I kept looking and saw an image of another person in the glasses of those worn out spectacles. That guy was even more shabbily dressed and tensed than the former. But what surprised me was that within that image I saw another image of a person in the pupil of the eyes. This guy seemed to be dejected by the world, unaided, isolated and deserted from anyone around.

Suddenly, I just lost my focussed approach which was treading down the image line. I stepped back and touched myself. I realised I was none of those guys. I had a smile on my face, cool beard look and up-to-date spectacles to match my personality.

Then who were those guys?

From where did all of them approach in my image?

What did it signify?

Was it actually that? No, it can't be. It was long ago. It just can't follow me till now.

Then what was it?

Am I sure it was not what I suspect it was?

Was it really because of today's incident?

Was it.............

.......................

***                                                                           ***                                                                     ***

Pooja: "It's getting late. Let's leave soon. It will take us an hour to reach home"
Kunal: "Sure. Even I was planning to leave as soon as possible. Let me just check whether I have done all the formalities required for the day."
Pooja: "Do everything quickly."

After sometime.

Pooja: "Are you done with everything. You know how everything is. Let's leave."
Kunal: "Ya. Let's go."

They went to the car and without wasting any time Kunal got on to the driving seat and was as usual excited to drive both of them back. Kunal just enjoyed driving after a hectic day at office. While going back home, they always used to listen to music and side-by-side had a regular chit-chat sessions.
Pooja used to discuss all the office politics and "who-said-what" stuff. Kunal used to filter things out. He used to act as if he is listening to all that stuff but like a typical guy, he used to shut the doors of his cerebrum and allowed it to enjoy some fun neighbor talk with the cerebellum. But something just caught his attention. Out of nowhere, Pooja started discussing her personal life. There was a little unrest in her life and the reason behind it was a breakup with her boyfriend. He did listen to everything but while listening his mind travelled time and distance.

***                                                                           ***                                                                     ***

Aanya: " I just can't do it. We can never be together from now on."

Kunal: " Why are you punishing me? I am sure everything will be alright one day. At least give it a genuine chance."

Aanya: "Sorry but my family will also not support it. Its not possible."

Kunal: "We have spent so much time together. It means nothing to you now?"

Aanya: "Bye."

This one episode left Kunal shattered. His self-confidence and personality went for the butcher's knife and were dead for now.He just tried to assemble the broken pieces and connect the dots to understand what went wrong.

***                                                                           ***                                                                     ***

Her tears brought him back to senses and he looked into her watery and crystal clear eyes. He was shocked to see himself in her eyes, depressed and lying alone on the ground, his eyes opened wide and hands trembling. Before he realised, he was gasping for fresh air and sweating in a well air conditioned car. He looked at her again and this time, he just saw the pain in her eyes so hugged her tight.

After sometime, she soothed down and was feeling better. But his mind was stuck behind. He was thinking again and again that why did he see himself in her eyes. He has got nothing to do with her boyfriend, her relationship or her breakup but he just felt connected as if he was involved in all this. It was like he was going through a breakup again. He could feel that pain and started directing his emotions in a very controlled and constructive manner in order to put her back and keep her moving.

***                                                                           ***                                                                     ***

In life, sometimes you get a chance to see yourself in others. At times, you can just feel what others might be feeling. These are the desperate times when you just want to take things in your hand and make them move as per your command. These are the times when you feel that you know the situation, you know the loopholes, you know the potholes and you can just drive the other person away from this mess. It becomes frustrating to see the other person still doing what you think would be wrong to do in such a situation.

You try to pull him/her back, shout at her/him or if you are really connected with him/her that you will even try to just come in between the path. But what you forget is that you learnt the right way only after falling down again and again. You know what is right today only because you had enough trouble getting out of the pit you were digging unknowingly for yourself. And few things can only be learnt if you learn them on your own, without any external help. For example, when a butterfly comes out of its cocoon, it is said to be a very painful experience for the butterfly. But without that experience, butterfly will fail to live a healthy life ahead. In a very similar way, some life experiences are important to be learnt on your own. No matter how many times a person tells you what is right and what is not right for you, you need to fall down, get hurt and learn to get up and keep walking.

That's Life dude!!

Mental Virginity-Need of The Hour(Part-4)

Today, I learnt something new at school. Periods. Mom says I'm a big girl now. I should be careful and should not talk about it in front of papa and bhai!

I should also sit with my legs closed together and behave properly. 

Don't enter the kitchen. Don't touch the pickles. Don't bake cakes. Don't come in contact with men. Don't swim. Don't wash your hair.

Don't don't don't!

I find it very problematic that most mothers don't discuss menstruation with their daughters before they begin to menstruate  the discussion always takes place after the shock and for a girl between the age of 10-14 years or even younger,  it really does come as a shock to see their favourite dress stained with blood one fine day all of a sudden.

Some might even think that they are sick or have hurt themselves 'in the place where they pee from!' Yes that's what it is called. 

When ads for sanitary napkins appear on television,  mothers bat away their questions by saying, they would understand when they get older.

Then there is school,  which plays its part in further hushing up the topic and creating more confusion in the minds of young girls and majorly in boys as well.

I remember when we once had a seminar on menses. Mine hadn't started yet, but I had a vague idea about them . While the boys were sent out to play, the girls were made to gather around in a room, where they were introduced to menstruation and sanitary napkins for the first time.  As expected later,  the girls were all giggly and the boys were seen strutting around hinting that they knew what it was all about and shouting out names of popular sanitary napkin companies in order to embarrass the girls.  Schools really do a great job in messing up young girls and boys in this regard because,  instead of having a co-ed seminar and focusing on sensitising the topic,  they go for the most convenient route they can find, which is by segregation! 

In India,  most of the taboos stem from the time before sanitary napkins,  when women were made to stay in a hut outside their village during their periods . From not being allowed in the kitchen to being prohibited from going to temples,  the women were seen as impure  and were further bewildered with instructions to stay away from every possible chore!

This kind of attitude just reinforces the fact that menstruation is something to be embarrassed about and should be kept a secret. Or the time, when you go to buy a packet of sanitary napkins , the discomfort you feel when you tell the man standing there that you need a Whisper Ultra which is then put into a black polythene bag so that nobody gets to know what a girl is carrying because it is considered to be a shameful act!

There are women who have spent their teenage years,  too embarrassed to buy sanitary pads, even though their families could afford them and used discarded clothes instead.  

Sadly , there are still a lot of women and not just middle aged mothers and elderly grandmothers but also educated ones who contribute to the tabooing of menstruation even today! 

We still don't take pride in our ability to menstruate and give birth to a new life!!

(P.S- This blog article is submitted by another guest writer with signature PC. She is young, talented painter who wanted to write on a very complex issue that is very difficult for any guy to understand and write. I am thankful to her for expressing this feeling with all of us)

Yes or No??

"Get ready. They are here"

Her heart started pounding, hands started trembling, eyes getting little watery, erector pili muscles getting to their job, muscles getting twitches and complete body getting restless.

She gulped in some water and tried to calm down herself and specifically her mind. She did some final touch ups. And now she was all set to move out.
While sitting there and waiting for someone to give her an indication, her mind began thinking some weird thoughts.              


                                                                                     "Is this the right time?"
             
                                                "What will they ask?"                                                              
                   
                "How should I greet them?"

                                                                   "Is my lipstick looking okay?"
                                                                                                                                                                             "I hope I am not over done."
   
   "I hope everything happens for good."




"Di, let's go"

This brought her out of her weird-thought-land.

She came out with a tray in her hands. Like in all bollywood movies, it had a kettle, milk, sugar and some cookies. She served everyone as per the individual requirements. After sometime, everyone asked her to go out with the guy and show him their house and especially the balcony and its view.

She wondered that no one ever goes out on a normal day and today the balcony is suddenly like the best place to hang out.

But she did as expected.

Both of them sat down. They were looking a little shy but happy.

"Hi, My name is Kanav. And you are?"
"Hello. My name is Kanika"

"I heard you have done your post graduation and working right now"
" Ya. I did MBA. And got a good job from there"

"Great. So how is your work life going on?"
" Its pretty good. My company gives me a chance to maintain a good work-life balance"

.......
.......

And they kept on having a chat for an hour. Later, their family members came outside which made them stop the conversation. Everyone was smiling and knew that they will see each other a lot in future.

***                                                        ***                                                     ***

First day in college

He was late for his lecture. He reached room no. 6 and was panting heavily. Luckily, there was no professor in the class. He went in and sat besides a girl. He wiped his sweat and looked at his watch. But his mind was attracted towards a peculiar fragrance. He looked towards the girl sitting on his left as he expected that she might have got some good perfume. But he soon realised that its not of some perfume. This magnetic fragrance was coming from her long enchanting hair and distracting him from concentrate anywhere else.


After one month

Now, because he was attracted towards this girl, he tried to make sure that they become friends. They soon exchanged their numbers and kept texting and chatting with each other for long hours. They always used to sit together. Within no time, they were really good friends.
They used to talk about everything from family fun talks to stressful career ambiguities. Apart from each other, they didn't befriend many people around them. Most of them were mere acquaintances. And the reason was very clear: they never needed anyone else.

After two months

One fine day, they were sitting in the campus park and having a gala time with each other. He felt a sudden gush of blood as a thought struck his mind. He did not even want his breath to become a distraction at that time. He turned towards her and said " You know we are just perfect together. And I really adore you. Don't you think that we should consider the next level?"

The girl went all pink. She was surprised and tried to conceal her feeling so that she could say something. After waiting for about 10 seconds, she finally opened her tender lips and tried to speak her heart out. She took sometime to find out a particular way to express her feelings.

Her first word was a pearl like water droplet onto a rose petal. She said "Yes, Even I think so"

But as soon as the water mixed with happiness tried to come out of his eyes, a bitter pain was mixed into that as soon as she said
"But"

"But we can not be together. I have few restrictions. I told you about them na. Sorry, but even after feeling so right with you, we can never be together."

***                                                          ***                                                ***

What do you think my dear friends, how do you decide whether you will accept or reject some proposition?

Is it done by
Using some paper and pen to jot down all the pluses and minuses?
Or is it just by going with your gut feeling?
Or by flipping a coin?
Or some other creative way?

But if you are a rational person, you may like to see the problem from all the sides and then decide. Even if you do that, do you know what will be the root of all your + or -?

Situation!!

In your life, weather you accept or reject something completely depends on the situation. The way a particular thing comes across is the main punch. It can make or break the situation. It can change your perspective completely and make you re-think even if you have rejected it before. Situation changes positives into negatives and vice-versa.

Let me explain and elaborate it with the help of an example.
You remember the first and second part of this article, right?

Right, let's start then.

In both the situations, I have expressed love and its validity in various cases. Love is considered to be pure and an unbiased feeling of a human being. It is one's strength and weakness at the same moment. It is something which makes you skip a beat or makes your cardiac muscles work harder. So, I have taken this inexpressible feeling to explain the basis of this blog article.
In the two cases, both individuals feel in love with each other. It is an unsaid and unexpressed attraction for each other. We are talking about same two people who met in two different ways. In the very first case, they met by usual proceedings that happen in arrange marriages in India while in second case they were caught in a love trap.
But situation changed the outcome drastically.
While in the first case, they get to spend their complete lives together and probably happily ever after, whereas in the second case they were unable to get together because of some shortcomings and hiccups in between. In both the cases, feelings remained same but situation changed the ways.

So, are you really sure that you don't want X or there is an "or"?

Because this magical universe can make you do anything anytime!!
I would like to quote something from the Bhagavad-gita:

"All material activities in the world are being conducted under the three modes of material nature. Although these material modes of nature are emanations from the supreme lord, Krishna, He is not subject to them."

My Valentine

One night, As I looked out of my window,
I could see the stars twinkle, and the bright full moon glow.

The breeze was cool and erratic,
Perfect for any lover to get romantic.

One night, As I walked in the winters cold,
I wondered, what was largest in this vast world.

Is it the Mount Everest?Or is it the love for your dearest?

One night, As I started to dream,
Your beautiful face began to gleam.

My heart, you began to tow,
Is this what they call love?

From then, I had no sleep,
And in your thoughts, I was engrossed deep.

My joy knew no bounds,For the first time I heard the love sounds.

It is not the Tibetan plateau,
Not the Egyptian desert too.

There is something larger than the oceans blue,
And that is my love for you.

Today, at dawn, As I looked out of my window,
I could see a dim auroral glow.

I was firstly delighted, then confused,
As my heart had into yours diffused.

No words could express my feeling,
No gifts to show how much I was craving.

Your happiness is mine,
Your eyes divine.
I am your valentine,
Truer than the bright sunshine.

( This is written by my dear friend- JV. He is a part time poet and a very talented tabla player. He wrote this poem for his girlfriend. So, due credits to him for this wonderful piece. Kudos my friend.)

Right or Wrong

There is a question which has disturbed me for enough time. Every time I thought that this is the correct time to pen down my thoughts, I got confused and left writing in between. But now I think that I should give it a shot without thinking much.

Actually it is like a battle with myself, with my thought process and acceptability of this new thought.

But for this new thought, I can't tell you all some fine story on the origination of this thought. It just percolated so down in my processor system and stayed there for so long that even I don't remember that exactly how it all started.

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In this society everything is either RIGHT or WRONG.

You file a suit in the court for anything and some person (known as Judge) will tell you whether you deserve to spend your entire life behind the bars or not. But who actually standardizes this process of saying things as wrong or right? Is it just what he/she feels or what our so-called “society” feels is right? Is it really so that a person is hanged to death just because some fine man says that he deserves so? Is it true that value of one's life is reduced to such labels of Right and Wrong?

I am sorry to all my readers if these questions sound absurd but the point I am trying to make here is that in day to day working I see so many things happening just the way they were happening before and many radical thinkers (at least this is what they think they are) also feel that these things are not debatable just because they will upset the working of the society.

What has happened to our society goes back in past.

During ancient days, human being struggled in every aspect of life as nothing was well synchronised and standardized. He (along with she) learnt that the best way to live is to live together in a group. This will not only ensure protection to all but also can serve the purpose of division of labour. Hence, they divided work between them. Someone started growing wheat while someone started growing rice. At that time, agriculture was the only point of concern for all as it was an unavoidable need. But he saw that there is some distress in the working of the society. Few bad elements or outliers are not allowing things to move smoothly. Hence, he started making rules on the basis of his "limited" understanding and as per "desired" situation.

With time, we only diversified our working portfolio (by adding manufacturing, service etc) but forgot to change those rules which were set up by our ancestors. For convenience, they were kept very much same without thinking that it was thought process of a single person or probably a group of individuals which may think very much same (due to various obvious reasons).

Hence, we developed in the areas of lifestyle, working and habits but just attained rigidity in the field of basic laws for the working of the society. In other words, we acquired what was taught without any questioning.  

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“Why so serious?”

I am sure that all of you know that who said this and in which movie.

For those who actually don't have any idea, he is

Joker or Heath Ledger.

He is not just a character of some movie or I should say of some legendary movie. But he is the owner of

"The Chaos".

He actually represents an idea, a revolution and a change from usual working style.

It is well described in the movie that nature is into chaos while humans are into orderliness. Due to this difference in ideology, there is a difference in the law. Laws of nature are very different from laws of human civilization. In nature, survival of the fittest holds true but in human world survival and fitness share very little overlapping area.

This man showed the difference. He showed that natural laws are to be followed and these over and aboves should be torn into pieces. And if we follow natural laws or chaos, we know it is indifferent. Again quoting Joker for this, he says that "Chaos is fair."

And fairness is my key target here.

Quoting and labelling things as right or wrong is not giving them an equal chance to prove themselves. It is unfair.

***                                                                      ***                                                                   ***

I somehow feel that all this is just a game of one’s perception.

I see something half empty or half filled. Just like this, I see something good or bad, okay or not okay, right or wrong.

One’s perception changes the rules of the game. Everything revolves around this and everything is decided as per my vision.

If I think something is right, I will think so and will justify that whereas if I think that same thing is wrong then I will try to put my point forward.

When something is so subjective then why do you want to categorize?

Time to think some more...

How to Prepare for GD/PI?

GD or Group Discussion???

What comes to your mind after reading this might be some huge advertisement of Career Launcher or T.I.M.E which shows that “Prepare for GD/PI classes with us for IIMs”.

That is why when I sat for summer internship process for abc company (can’t disclose the name due to some Non-disclosure agreements) and in GD they gave the topic, Should GDs be held?, everyone started blabbering in favour or in opposition quoting admission processes of IIMs or XLRIs or IIFTs.

 But this is not GD. This is top-of-mind recall of an advertisement where you daily saw these two alphabets written out loud.

In real terms, group discussion is just more than two individuals with common interests (or Group) sitting or standing together (depends on your convenience) and discussing an issue at hand so that a desirable conclusion can be reached with the help of consensus (and not by holding one’s collar).

It is like a normal discussion that a person enjoys with his/her friends. The only difference is that usage of slangs might go a bit against you. But there is an exciting part as well. You will be discussing with unknown people and trying to gain consensus. In other terms, you will try to sell your ideas by hook or by crook (following crook is subjected to moderator’s risk. Please think carefully before following).

Going a step ahead towards the preparation of GDs for actually cracking group discussion round, I will say prepare for best and stay prepared for the worse. It is so as GDs hold no boundaries. It may vary from AAPs decision to stop multi-brand retail FDI in Delhi to red is new black. To prepare for GDs:

• ·         Read newspaper: I know that everyone asks to do that and you might feel that it’s just 1-2 months for our GDs and no one can do wonders in that. But trust me guys, more than knowledge, it will give a boost to your confidence. When you will know about your surroundings, you will feel better equipped to deal with any GD.

• ·         Think and think Random things: Sounds crazy? But in a way this is needed to deal with abstract topics that you might face in a GD. Topics like “Delhi is a pink city” or “You can’t get an omelette if you don’t break eggs”. These topics test your imagination and power to connect topic with real world. Just think once about second topic i.e. you can't get an omelette if you don’t break eggs. 

What can you make out of it?

Whatever you think, just find a logic to support that and connect it with the theme. Don’t think that it is a weird analogy or an altogether different answer. If I am asked to think on this, I will probably agree with the statement. And an analogy can be in the field of cricket. You can’t establish new records until and unless you break previous ones. Sachin Tendulkar’s 200* in ODI would have been celebrated so much if he would have not broken a world record.

So, keep preparing for Group Discussions and keep your fingers crossed that you get a group that allows everyone to speak rather than making a fish market out there.

After GD, there is another blockage and it is present in all B-Schools i.e. Interview.

Interview is a one on one interaction with a person who is least interested to know about you or is interested to grill you (stress interview) or genuinely interested to know you (rarest of the rare cases). So, what to do in such a case where person is actually not interested to even listen to you?

Strategy will remain similar guys. Just the implementation would change. Again, you need to sell yourself and your words. You need to make the other person listen to you and take interest in you. But how to do that?

• ·         Am I looking like a gentleman- I am not saying this so that the first impression is good but it is a proven fact that people take you more seriously if you are dressed appropriately. If you are not then the topic of interview may not start from a very comfortable question answer session.

• ·         Wake up buddy- You just have 15-20 minutes to show the other person who you are and how you can be a perfect fit into their organization. In extreme cases, the time limit may go on up to 60minutes. As time is a limiting factor in this case, you need to be very active and focussed.

• ·         Glass is not half empty- People always feel that they should, somehow, prove themselves so that you are more acceptable. But it is not true. We need to change this perception as this is a mutual need and not just your need. Interviewer also seeks best of the talent from the available pool of candidates and even you want best for your career. So, be open and change your perception.

And if we talk about preparation for interview, I will suggest few basic points that should be taken care of:

• ·         Who am I- First and foremost thing is to figure out that who you are (not in psychological terms but from business point of view). Open up your CV and find a small list of 3-5 things that you did during your lifetime and few major behavioural traits that it reflects. E.g. if I worked in a startup, it shows I am enthusiastic about learning irrespective of limited number of resources and a bit of unstructured working of the organisation.
• ·         Know your CV- It is very important for anyone to know that what all you have written in the CV as sometimes (or mostly) what we have written is a little (or a lot) more than what we have done in life. So, have a look at your CV and try to find out connections between them so that you can easily knit a story around those dots.
• ·         What happened before I went in- I am not talking about those stressful whispers discussing that what happened with the person just before you. In today’s technocrat environment, stay tuned with the social media platforms where people discuss that what happened last year and how to mitigate risks involved in the interviews of a particular B-school.
• ·         Time is just here- One night before your GD/PI, sleep on time and take proper rest. Don't over exhaust yourself. Make a checklist before in which you should take into count your CV, offer letter for GD/PI, photocopy of admit card (I don't remember everything dude. Don't make a list while reading this) etc. Leave your place taking buffer time into consideration and just listen to music to lower down you anxiety levels. And finally

All the best guys!!!

(This article was originally written by the writer of this blog for some external purpose of Lal Bahadur Shastri Institute of Management. Hence, this is just to apprise the readers of this blog about the same issue.) 

Selflessness!! What's that?

Usually I write when I have gathered enough questions in my mind and I just want to release all of them. It is funny that when I pour my heart out, I somehow start with a quest to find answers to all these questions. And usually I come up with a solution as well.

But

This time it's different.

This time I just have my question ready. I am in the process of looking for an answer because what I see is not what I think and what I think is not what the world wants to see.

Sometimes, you get stuck in front of a wall. You know that there is a door out there but it camouflages in such a brilliant manner that you just keep finding the way out. Because of this interesting "human nature", you keep struggling.

You find     You search     You run     You knock     You cry     You give up!!!

And if you don't want to give up, you have a heavy price to pay for that. I don't know why, but I am ready to pay that price because I believe that that price would lead me somewhere.

And what the hell.

Let's go and see that what is ahead. Sometimes it's terrifying while at times it is exciting. At times your heart beat is just inaudible and at times your heart is beating out load.

                                                       ???                  ???                      ???

What is this word

"Selfish"

And what does it actually mean?

Oh!!

Don't get surprised. Just answer my question dear friend.

Ok

Now what is

"Selfless" 

I know what are you thinking.

"Are you kidding me bro"

Have some patience.

I hope you are ready with both the answers.

???                  ???                      ???

I noticed this a few days back that "being selfless" is just a word. It is of no use and a selfless person can only exist in imaginary world, if at all it exists.

It is just a word to satisfy and calm down your soul that you are good as you think of others. Hence, SELFLESS!!

Tadaaaaaaaaaaaaa....

But if we think practically, is there anything like "selfless"?

In this competitive world, people just think about themselves- their happiness, their life, their near and dear ones, their sorrows etc. No one has any time to think about others. And don't just get me started on the working of NGOs. Everyone is after paper money or plastic money (least preferred as tax department is always active for their selfish interests). So, everyone is running after something for themselves only.

But I was told that there are such individuals who think about others as well. There are such people who care for others rather than their own happiness. I thought that even I was one of them. I had this mirage image in front of me that there are such people who think about others.

But a stimulus broke this mirage and I started thinking about the concept of selflessness.

I realized that when you do something good for others, something that virtually is unrelated to your wellbeing, it never is. Even if you do work in an NGO for good of others, what you get is self-peace and self-satisfaction.

These words have a prefix "SELF" which is enough of evidence to prove that to which degree it is a selfless act. Then people say that it is at least better than those who use others for some work.

But is it??

Because your so-called-selfless act is providing you inner peace while your so-called-selfish act just helps to get your benefit out of others. As mature being we all know that what provides long term benefits.

So,

HELPING OTHERS OR USING OTHERS???????

Mind-Think Some More