Hi folks!!
I am back with my blogging stuff.
How are you all?
I hope its all good at your end because today I need some help. Last few days have not been a cake walk for me. A very weird and frightening thought is stuck in my mind.
What if I am in pain and left alone in darkness?
What if I keep shouting for some help and there is no one to listen to me?
More than all this, the thought that has been troubling me the most is what if my closest people become reason for my pain!
Inflicting more pain on a painful soul is something that takes it beyond the level of getting repaired. A person feels the weakest when his/her own people cause immeasurable pain. As they are your "own people", most probably that won't be intentional. Sometimes, it is but usually it is not. Even if it is an unintentional attack, you are the one who suffers. You suffer heartbreak and darkness over shadows all the wonderland feelings.
Own people are those whose happiness and sadness affects you. They are those special people in your life who, as per you, are always meant to stay happy. Any pain afflicted on them can bring you on your knees. In Hindi, they are called अपने, in French they are called Propre Peuple but irrespective of the spelling and language of this word, pain is the same and so is the worry for their well-being.
*****
Today was a big and terrifying day for my parents. But for me, it was kind off an adventure(even though I knew the repercussions of a positive result).
Yeah, positive..
For a change, the word positive was not that a positive thing.
I went in with the headphones pushed inside my auditory canals and Adele was trying to sooth me down using some fire in the rain.
Me:- Ma'am, here is the prescription slip of the doctor. I am here to get few tests done.
Attendant:- You?? Do you want to get ECG and chest X-ray conducted??
Me:- Yes ma'am. Kindly guide me further.
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She took me to a lab assistant who again was amazed to see a 20 years old getting such serious tests done. He took me in and got both the tests done. He handed over the reports to a doctor. He looked at me and then at the reports.
I was thinking to myself that maybe he will come up with some killer inference like myocardial infarction or some other word justifying angina pectoris.
He was quite happy to tell me that all the reports look normal to him.I thanked him, took my reports and returned to my Adele.
No joyous feeling, no happiness and no relief.
My parents hugged me tightly to express their happiness and took a breath of relief.
*****
Near and dear ones are always there to support you especially during a rough phase of yours. But what if they are causing this rough patch?
Who would you run to?
Where would you seek to bring solace to your restless soul?
When I thought of such a situation, my mind boggled. It brought chill shocks to my spine and left my arrector pili muscles working with full energy.
These shocks took away my happiness of getting the negative reports.
And yeah, sometimes negative is nice.
I felt that my entire life is dependent on few pillars out of which the pillar named "ME" is not strong enough to support and sustain a life in my body for long enough. I got a little afraid of white- the color of tranquility. It reminded me of a junior of mine who always said," Bhaiya, I am afraid of many things but my biggest fear is white color." But then the reason for our fear of the same color is different.
He is afraid of white because he doesn't want his body to be disposed off without leaving a mark that would remain after him. He wants to do something incredible so that the world always remembers his name. And in my case I was afraid of the connection between "MY WORLD" and "WHITE COLOR". I don't ever want the two of them to merge together and leave me all alone.
Due to this depressing thought, my mind kept boggling and I thought of two main things
I am back with my blogging stuff.
How are you all?
I hope its all good at your end because today I need some help. Last few days have not been a cake walk for me. A very weird and frightening thought is stuck in my mind.
What if I am in pain and left alone in darkness?
What if I keep shouting for some help and there is no one to listen to me?
More than all this, the thought that has been troubling me the most is what if my closest people become reason for my pain!
Inflicting more pain on a painful soul is something that takes it beyond the level of getting repaired. A person feels the weakest when his/her own people cause immeasurable pain. As they are your "own people", most probably that won't be intentional. Sometimes, it is but usually it is not. Even if it is an unintentional attack, you are the one who suffers. You suffer heartbreak and darkness over shadows all the wonderland feelings.
Own people are those whose happiness and sadness affects you. They are those special people in your life who, as per you, are always meant to stay happy. Any pain afflicted on them can bring you on your knees. In Hindi, they are called अपने, in French they are called Propre Peuple but irrespective of the spelling and language of this word, pain is the same and so is the worry for their well-being.
*****
Today was a big and terrifying day for my parents. But for me, it was kind off an adventure(even though I knew the repercussions of a positive result).
Yeah, positive..
For a change, the word positive was not that a positive thing.
I went in with the headphones pushed inside my auditory canals and Adele was trying to sooth me down using some fire in the rain.
Me:- Ma'am, here is the prescription slip of the doctor. I am here to get few tests done.
Attendant:- You?? Do you want to get ECG and chest X-ray conducted??
Me:- Yes ma'am. Kindly guide me further.
.jpg)
She took me to a lab assistant who again was amazed to see a 20 years old getting such serious tests done. He took me in and got both the tests done. He handed over the reports to a doctor. He looked at me and then at the reports.
I was thinking to myself that maybe he will come up with some killer inference like myocardial infarction or some other word justifying angina pectoris.
He was quite happy to tell me that all the reports look normal to him.I thanked him, took my reports and returned to my Adele.
No joyous feeling, no happiness and no relief.
My parents hugged me tightly to express their happiness and took a breath of relief.
*****
Near and dear ones are always there to support you especially during a rough phase of yours. But what if they are causing this rough patch?
Who would you run to?
Where would you seek to bring solace to your restless soul?
When I thought of such a situation, my mind boggled. It brought chill shocks to my spine and left my arrector pili muscles working with full energy.
These shocks took away my happiness of getting the negative reports.
And yeah, sometimes negative is nice.
I felt that my entire life is dependent on few pillars out of which the pillar named "ME" is not strong enough to support and sustain a life in my body for long enough. I got a little afraid of white- the color of tranquility. It reminded me of a junior of mine who always said," Bhaiya, I am afraid of many things but my biggest fear is white color." But then the reason for our fear of the same color is different.
He is afraid of white because he doesn't want his body to be disposed off without leaving a mark that would remain after him. He wants to do something incredible so that the world always remembers his name. And in my case I was afraid of the connection between "MY WORLD" and "WHITE COLOR". I don't ever want the two of them to merge together and leave me all alone.
Due to this depressing thought, my mind kept boggling and I thought of two main things
- My life without my loved ones
- My life with my loved ones but against me
My mind is still lost in these insane thoughts and maybe won't find solace if I keep thinking. The only way to keep it under my control is to remember what Lord Krishna has quoted in Shrimad Bhagavat Gita
"our senses our like horses and our mind is that charioteer who is responsible to control the movement of those horses"
"our senses our like horses and our mind is that charioteer who is responsible to control the movement of those horses"
