Can I Die Now?

After a person attains 18 years of age, he/she takes most of the major decisions. From dress to wear to college to go, from perfume to apply to partner to marry but there is one decision that is just beyond a person's control. It is a very basic decision but no one is powerful enough to take this decision on his/her own.
Before I tell you about that decision, let me play a very simple game with all of you.

I request all the readers to make sure that they are above 18 years of age or of minimum legal age in their nation to be labelled as "adult citizen" before they proceed ahead.


Name of this game is "Will you die now?". Rules are simple. I will give you a situation and you need to think whether that situation is strong enough to make you feel that Now I must kill myself as I can't take it anymore. When you feel that you can't take it anymore then kindly shift rest of the situations.

Situation 1: You wanted an iPhone but your dad didn't allow you to buy it
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Situation 2: You wanted to take commerce but your parents made you take sciences
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Situation 3: You had a big crush on someone but he/she was already committed
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Situation 4: You failed in few subjects of your mid-term examination
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Situation 5: You failed in your final exams
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Situation 6: You were left by your "the one"
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Situation 7: You were caught while committing an act of treason to your nation
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Situation 8: You have a deadly disease and you will have a painless death soon
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Situation 9: You have a deadly disease and you will have a painful death
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Situation 10: Your limbs are not working and organs are also giving up. You were a man of desires and ambitions. You are just helpless and dependent on others right now. And you would soon have a death which can't be described in words

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Few days back, I watched a movie. It was on a disease quadriplegia. As it is a very sensitive topic, I don't want to take any names or point out on anything specific. After those 126 minutes, I was completely baffled and numb. My thought process was jammed and I just had one big question in my mind.

"I know I can't take birth by my choice. But why can't I die, when I want to, in a respectful and lawful manner?"

In India, no one is allowed to die by his/her own choice, with dignity. You are most welcome to kill yourself but later police will register a case under Section 306 of Indian Penal Code (IPC). It will be considered an act of crime.

To clarify my point, I am talking about something known as Euthanasia. Euthanasia or good death was a concept introduced in this world quite long ago but it seems that we are taking too long to change the legal set-up to allow some exceptions.

Is it just because we are worried that maybe we will get our hands dirty with someone else's blood? Or is it that we just want to avoid taking any bold decisions?

India was/is knows as a land with stubborn legal measures. Whether it is Section 377 to put forward legal pressure to force someone to choose one's partner as per the laws of the land or introducing something very much needed like right to die with dignity, Indian legal system has shown a very quasi-flexibility related to such issues that matter.

To clarify my point , I am not encouraging people to kill themselves as soon as some trouble pops up. I am a man with high spirits to live a life involving struggle and pain. I am not, by any means, trying to convey my support to those who end up their lives because of some reason which can't be justified by rational thinking.

But I feel that denying the right to end one's life under special circumstances is like a murder where you are not just killing a person but inflicting pain and sufferings to slowly decay everything left within that person.

Whenever I think about this situation to live a forced life, I see a fish which is about to die as it mistakenly came out of the water. It can not breath and is just trying to get into the water to save itself. It exhausts every damn ATP to move its muscles in order to just slip herself in again. Law must understand that a person who is stuck in a similar situation and intent, has got every right to die with dignity. It is because that person is not like some depressed individual with suicidal tendencies and thoughts but one who wants to live if the blockade is removed. But he/she is accepting the fact of life and wants to take some decision related to the same. Most of the people are not even courageous enough to accept the inevitable truth of one's life. Instead of just evaluating the reason behind this courageous decision, we judge them with a very wrong impression in our mind.

I may not be have a right to suggest my birth place or my birth time or my birth year but I should have a right to decide my death year, death place and death time.

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As per Indian law, Euthanasia is still considered illegal. Although countries like Netherlands, Belgium, Luxembourg, Switzerland etc have legalized Euthanasia to end patient's sufferings by near and dear ones and by their consent. Maximum flexibility shows by the Indian law is to allow partial euthanasia which involves ending the sufferings of  person who is on a life support system and is not expected to recover any time soon (or even later).

As per Universal Declaration of Human Rights, Article 3:
"Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of a person"

This right in itself gives right to death as well. To explain the logic, if I consider right to express, then it gives a person right to express his/her thoughts independently. The very same right also gives a right not to express one's thoughts. It is not mandatory for every human being to keep expressing thoughts. Applying the same concept, I feel that right to death comes along with the right to life.

So, are we justified to take away this basic human right from citizens?

Explode or Implode: Grand Bargain Theory

"I must tell someone about this."

"No, I can't"

"But I have to. I cant hold it within me."

"Can you face this world after telling it to someone?"

"No, I won't be able to but what should I do?"

"I have to take it."

"I just can't. Please help me."

"I have to be stronger."

"But its killing me."

"Then IMPLODE but hold it."

"I will EXPLODE."

"And then what? What will you gain from that?"

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In life, everyone faces such moments that can't find an escape route. Every person goes to grave with such moments clung tightly to himself/herself. Even if you want to, you just can't do it. And every such moment leaves you with a quest, a quest that only you can solve and solve it all alone. And the quest is to stop it from leaking out.
Human brain is programmed in such a way that we don't think much before sharing the day-to-day incidents with people around us. It gives us a sense of pleasure and content to share what we think with people we love. But these "X-moments" are meant to stay a mystery or a blank page in this book named "My Life". You don't even feel like sharing them with yourself, forget about anyone else around. So, what to do when one part of your brain forces you to do the usual while the other part tells you that it is infeasible?

What to do when you just want to go out and shout out loud?

What to do when you are just breaking from within and hurting yourself but it still seems impossible to share your feelings?

What to do when you want to cry but you can't because it won't serve any constructive purpose?

In such situations, you tend to bargain with yourself. Here you have two grand bargains that you tend to make with yourself.

1) When I will share my deep down emotions with someone, he/she might be able to help me out. Maybe he/she would be able to tell me something that I am missing out. Maybe I will find a way out of this suffering and then live a happy life ever after. This pursuit of happiness may find its final destination if I just get to speak my heart out in front of someone I trust.

If our brain has already given up and is left with little power to come up with any bargain breaker, we submit in front of the problem and talk to someone.
Let me be clear to all my readers that I am not implying that it won't help. And I can't imply that because I, myself, don't know the way out of this riddle-like-situation and by this blog, even I am trying to learn. Probably sharing your problems will help you. But probably it won't.

If you think it won't then the other half of the brain is clever enough to come up with a grand bargain breaker to keep us swirling in this mental state of stupefaction.

1*) When I will tell someone about this incident, I will be sharing some personal part of my life with him/her. Can I trust him/her? If someday he/she plans to use it against me or blabber this in front of anyone else? What will happen if this thing comes out? Am I really ready to share it with someone? Am I?

This perplexed situation gets more perplexed when you are in this loop of confusion. And its a human tendency to address uncertainty and negativity first. It is usually done to solve it and get rid of it but in some cases this muddle gets so sticky that only a focussed mind can get us out of it. But our brain has already capitulated in front of this problem and is just ready to accept the fate. Hence, this grand bargain stands.



If it does not, then comes the second bargain from the other part of our brain. This second bargain is weaker in front of the first one as our brain has already started to get exhausted.

2) When I will share this problem with him/her, probably I will get some sympathy. Maybe this extra-attention will give me some strength to absorb some more. Right now I am weak and not in a situation to stay alone. If someone will tag along with me, I would probably get some energy and that "Feel Good Factor" by my side.

This emotional approach does not have any strong grounds. In other words, a rational thinker will not pay any heed to such arguments. But as mentioned above, rationality is already presented (with respect) in front of the problem and the person is all set to accept the fate.
But the most dreaded part is if you come up with the second bargain breaker also. And it is so because in the end the purpose is not fulfilled. You will get even more confused and keep having those ambiguous thoughts of moving either side. But as every side has tied you up with strings, you stay within the loop, hurting and punishing yourself.

2*) What the hell am  I thinking? Am I so bad that I need to use some personal problem to gain this attention? Have I really lowered my standards to this extent?

These questions are self-answered as a person seldom accepts any negative quality, unless forced to. As a strong individual, you take the decision not to tell anyone but for a moment, you forget that your brain is not out of those cobwebs holding you within the loop. And sooner or later, when the pain and problem strikes again, this algorithm gets going again. And it will keep on happening unless you consciously take a strong decision and decide never to look back.