Being Mortal: My takeaways

Before I begin with my book review, I would like to tell all my readers that this is my personal view on the book and I would request everyone to read it and evaluate what you gain from this book. Feel free to share your learning in the comments section below.

Being Mortal : Atul Gawande

I still remember that time when I picked up this book.

I (against my habit) reached much before the boarding time for my flight. Just casually went to a book store and was looking at all those books kept there. Out of all the books, my eyes glued to a book; on the white cover page, written in black "Being Mortal: Atul Gawande".

As I read this name again and again, my mind jumped back in time when I saw him on a television show. It was an interview conducted by a famous business channel of India. I remember how he described this book and how he generated a curiosity within me to read this book.

Without waiting much, I picked up this book and went to the payment counter. After paying for this book, I got another reason for my flight to take off soon (the first reason was of course that I was not used to this experience of waiting for my flight).

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"I see it now - this world is swiftly passing................."

With this, I started my journey which changed my perception towards one of the gray areas of life: Death.

Death is considered to be that spot of life which everyone fear to reach but no one can do anything about it. We can use old age creams to stop signs of ageing, eat healthy to maintain our body shape and burn some amount of toxins everyday in a park to keep muscles strong. All these steps, from natural to man made, can definitely push signs of ageing a bit ahead in future but nothing can get you out of this inevitable circle of life.

When I think hard, I feel that our fear comes from the fact that we know very little about this entire episode of experiencing dying. And icing on the cake is that we know nothing about what happens after our death. There are lots of hypothesis around this but nothing is proved (and the status might not change in the foreseeable future).

Just to explain, if you see a roller coaster in front of you, it is much easier to decide whether you really want to take that ride or not as you know what exactly you are getting into. But if you don't know how that roller coaster looks like, how long and topsy-turvy your ride can be; you might not be able to estimate whether you can really take that adventure or not.

Now top this up with the fact that no matter what, you can't even avoid this ride.

Now you get to know that there is a person who definitely knows about this ride more than you (which is just next to nothing). He has witnessed people taking this ride and is even aware that how you might be able to avoid this ride for a bit longer and enjoy your stay at the wonderland. Because you know that you can't go back from the adventure park without taking this ride, you will look up to that person to guide you and to help you in every possible way.

You meet that person, done with all the greetings and after listening to you he agrees to help you out of this situation. But he asks for some money for his service so that even he can also enjoy the wonderland.

Because he is the only one you know, who can save you from that ride, you get too much dependent on him. This fear of experiencing unknown and continues delays in facing this ride makes you believe that he can save you from this unavoidable journey.

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We usually associate a doctor as someone who can save lives. A common man even goes to an extend to call a doctor as God. It is because he believes that doctor has got the power to save someone from death and give him a new life.

At desperate moments, we fail to understand that a doctor is also a human being, like you and me. Definitely, he is aware of a set of processes that are followed to save someone from a particular disease, processes that have been tested over and over again. It showed positive results for most of the people while few didn't respond in the expected way. But the truth is that Doctors can't save lives but they can just delay death.

This novel taught me that death is not something that anyone can save you from. It is an inevitable truth of life. I know that you all must be aware of this fact but question yourself that do you really accept this fact?

Dr. Atul says that it is this seed of fear that has surfaced every human being's mind and even the field of Medical Sciences is built on the same surface. In four and a half years of medical schooling, a doctor is just taught how to save someone from death but not how to prepare someone from it. And this lack of preparation to face the final destination of life, makes this journey more painful and dreadful.

So, time to question ourselves guys, do we really want to be prepared to face the truth or just dig our head in the soil and pretend that there is no danger around?

Can I Die Now?

After a person attains 18 years of age, he/she takes most of the major decisions. From dress to wear to college to go, from perfume to apply to partner to marry but there is one decision that is just beyond a person's control. It is a very basic decision but no one is powerful enough to take this decision on his/her own.
Before I tell you about that decision, let me play a very simple game with all of you.

I request all the readers to make sure that they are above 18 years of age or of minimum legal age in their nation to be labelled as "adult citizen" before they proceed ahead.


Name of this game is "Will you die now?". Rules are simple. I will give you a situation and you need to think whether that situation is strong enough to make you feel that Now I must kill myself as I can't take it anymore. When you feel that you can't take it anymore then kindly shift rest of the situations.

Situation 1: You wanted an iPhone but your dad didn't allow you to buy it
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Situation 2: You wanted to take commerce but your parents made you take sciences
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Situation 3: You had a big crush on someone but he/she was already committed
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Situation 4: You failed in few subjects of your mid-term examination
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Situation 5: You failed in your final exams
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Situation 6: You were left by your "the one"
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Situation 7: You were caught while committing an act of treason to your nation
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Situation 8: You have a deadly disease and you will have a painless death soon
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Situation 9: You have a deadly disease and you will have a painful death
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Situation 10: Your limbs are not working and organs are also giving up. You were a man of desires and ambitions. You are just helpless and dependent on others right now. And you would soon have a death which can't be described in words

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Few days back, I watched a movie. It was on a disease quadriplegia. As it is a very sensitive topic, I don't want to take any names or point out on anything specific. After those 126 minutes, I was completely baffled and numb. My thought process was jammed and I just had one big question in my mind.

"I know I can't take birth by my choice. But why can't I die, when I want to, in a respectful and lawful manner?"

In India, no one is allowed to die by his/her own choice, with dignity. You are most welcome to kill yourself but later police will register a case under Section 306 of Indian Penal Code (IPC). It will be considered an act of crime.

To clarify my point, I am talking about something known as Euthanasia. Euthanasia or good death was a concept introduced in this world quite long ago but it seems that we are taking too long to change the legal set-up to allow some exceptions.

Is it just because we are worried that maybe we will get our hands dirty with someone else's blood? Or is it that we just want to avoid taking any bold decisions?

India was/is knows as a land with stubborn legal measures. Whether it is Section 377 to put forward legal pressure to force someone to choose one's partner as per the laws of the land or introducing something very much needed like right to die with dignity, Indian legal system has shown a very quasi-flexibility related to such issues that matter.

To clarify my point , I am not encouraging people to kill themselves as soon as some trouble pops up. I am a man with high spirits to live a life involving struggle and pain. I am not, by any means, trying to convey my support to those who end up their lives because of some reason which can't be justified by rational thinking.

But I feel that denying the right to end one's life under special circumstances is like a murder where you are not just killing a person but inflicting pain and sufferings to slowly decay everything left within that person.

Whenever I think about this situation to live a forced life, I see a fish which is about to die as it mistakenly came out of the water. It can not breath and is just trying to get into the water to save itself. It exhausts every damn ATP to move its muscles in order to just slip herself in again. Law must understand that a person who is stuck in a similar situation and intent, has got every right to die with dignity. It is because that person is not like some depressed individual with suicidal tendencies and thoughts but one who wants to live if the blockade is removed. But he/she is accepting the fact of life and wants to take some decision related to the same. Most of the people are not even courageous enough to accept the inevitable truth of one's life. Instead of just evaluating the reason behind this courageous decision, we judge them with a very wrong impression in our mind.

I may not be have a right to suggest my birth place or my birth time or my birth year but I should have a right to decide my death year, death place and death time.

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As per Indian law, Euthanasia is still considered illegal. Although countries like Netherlands, Belgium, Luxembourg, Switzerland etc have legalized Euthanasia to end patient's sufferings by near and dear ones and by their consent. Maximum flexibility shows by the Indian law is to allow partial euthanasia which involves ending the sufferings of  person who is on a life support system and is not expected to recover any time soon (or even later).

As per Universal Declaration of Human Rights, Article 3:
"Everyone has the right to life, liberty and security of a person"

This right in itself gives right to death as well. To explain the logic, if I consider right to express, then it gives a person right to express his/her thoughts independently. The very same right also gives a right not to express one's thoughts. It is not mandatory for every human being to keep expressing thoughts. Applying the same concept, I feel that right to death comes along with the right to life.

So, are we justified to take away this basic human right from citizens?

Final Destination of Life

FOR THE READERS
I know that in this blog , I will sound paradoxical in respect to my previous blogs but I need to share this feeling with you all. I am saying so as life will never be a wonderland for anyone here. Be prepared to face some bitter truths, some unanswerable questions and never ending thoughts.


The Delhi weather is turning out to be a bloom season for the flowers. Almost everyday, people are blessed with beautiful rain droplets falling from the endless sky. Such a weather turns everything serene,pure and beautiful. When the sun rays touch the green leaves, sky gets filled with every color. Walking with bare feet on the wet grass, touching and feeling the pure water droplets and enjoying the bounty of nature, all this is a part of one's perfect life. After my another exhausting week, I finally got some time to enjoy the divine nature. I went outside and strolled towards a park nearby. As soon as I entered the park, I realised the reason that why Aristotle said
                             "In all things of nature there is something of the marvelous"

I felt as if my eyes are a part of the pearl falling from that leaf tip, my body is like the rain water resting on the carpet of grass after covering a long and exhausting journey from the sky. I felt like a monk who is meditating on Mt. Everest and is in his utmost peaceful state. The surroundings were full of different colors of nature and life. My concept about life i.e "Live Life and Enjoy till you Last" got its deserving justification after enjoying in this rain.
I suddenly got a call from my friend. She was also enjoying the weather. Two of us did a little chit chat and as soon as I was about to end the conversation, she said something which washed away all the colors around me. She mentioned that her Nani (grandmother) had brought her home made pickles.
This reminded me of my grandmother who passed away this February.

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It was the winter time in Delhi,India. The day started in a normal manner but no one had even the slightest idea that it would turn out to be the worst winter morning for us. I was having a gala time with my family when the phone rang. My mother picked up the call and everything changed around me.
"Heart Attack!!"
She  exclaimed this in some pain and mostly surprise. All of stopped at our places and minds diverted off the track and towards the phone call. As soon as she cut the call, she broke into tears. My dad rushed towards her and gave her a little comfort in his arms during the most painful time. He asked with trembling voice
"what happened?"
My Mother told her that my Nani (grandmother) suffered from a severe heart attack last night.
Everything went black for me. I felt as if someone took away one of my reasons to stay alive. Since my childhood, I had an unspoken bond of love with my grandmother. This bond was so strong that I loved her more than my own mother. Whenever we visited her, I used to stay with her for most the time. I enjoyed helping her with kitchen chores,going to the local market with her and the time when we talked a lot i.e the morning walk. I quickly revived myself from the nostalgic memories.
We quickly packed our bags and were ready to leave for the hospital.
I don't know why it happened to me but before we left, my dad got a call from my tayaji( brother of my dad). He said that leave Rupish at our place as my Nani's condition is stable now. My dad left me at his place and rest(Mum,pa and my sister) left for the 4 and a half hours long journey.

Till date I curse myself that I agreed with this decision.
I was really very worried all the time. I was not in a situation to eat,think or say anything. I felt as if I am trapped in a small box. My hands are tied and I am dying slowly due to asphyxia.
After this point, story splits into 2 halves

1. Story according to Me
2. Actual Story 

My parents reached the hospital. They called me up and told me that Nani is still under danger and nothing can be said. It was like a disaster for me. Expressing those feelings in words is impossible.
Somehow, I managed to sleep for that night. Next morning, I called my dad and asked the current status. He informed me that She is in a better situation now. Although it provided a bit of relief to my restless soul but I was still very upset, actually more than "just upset". I felt like visiting the most sacred place I knew around, Jhandewali Mata Ka Mandir(a holy temple of Goddess Jhandewalan).
I took the metro and reached my destination after an hour. I just burst into tears as I felt as if my grandmother has left me alone.
Somehow the never ending day passed and the next day, my father told me that she is safe and they are coming back for a week or two.
I was anxiously waiting for my parents. As soon as they reached the home, they informed me that my Grandmother passed away.

My heart is bleeding as I am typing this blog. But somehow I will try to complete it as I started this with a question in mind and I want to put it forward to all my dear readers.
Actual Story was my parents got the worst news on their way and since then they cried their eyes out.
The cremation was done as per Hindu Rituals.
I never got to see her and won't even get this chance ahead.

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One word "Grandmother" took me 5 months back in time. All the colors of my life faded away. After 5months, I emerged little stronger but with an unbearable loss.
After this, I ended the call with my friend and I got a question in my mind.
What life is all about?
Is it just meant to create relationships with other so that hundreds cry when you die? Or is it just meant to face all the problems thinking that one day you will live for your own self and before that day comes, you get tranquility of white? Or is it meant to carry so many responsibilities on your shoulder and then suddenly leaving all of them to sleep forever?
Such thoughts overshadow the colors of "happy living".


For further reference, Read
Life-Definition of its own