FOR THE READERS
I know that in this blog , I will sound paradoxical in respect to my previous blogs but I need to share this feeling with you all. I am saying so as life will never be a wonderland for anyone here. Be prepared to face some bitter truths, some unanswerable questions and never ending thoughts.
The Delhi weather is turning out to be a bloom season for the flowers. Almost everyday, people are blessed with beautiful rain droplets falling from the endless sky. Such a weather turns everything serene,pure and beautiful. When the sun rays touch the green leaves, sky gets filled with every color. Walking with bare feet on the wet grass, touching and feeling the pure water droplets and enjoying the bounty of nature, all this is a part of one's perfect life. After my another exhausting week, I finally got some time to enjoy the divine nature. I went outside and strolled towards a park nearby. As soon as I entered the park, I realised the reason that why Aristotle said
"In all things of nature there is something of the marvelous"
I felt as if my eyes are a part of the pearl falling from that leaf tip, my body is like the rain water resting on the carpet of grass after covering a long and exhausting journey from the sky. I felt like a monk who is meditating on Mt. Everest and is in his utmost peaceful state. The surroundings were full of different colors of nature and life. My concept about life i.e "Live Life and Enjoy till you Last" got its deserving justification after enjoying in this rain.
I suddenly got a call from my friend. She was also enjoying the weather. Two of us did a little chit chat and as soon as I was about to end the conversation, she said something which washed away all the colors around me. She mentioned that her Nani (grandmother) had brought her home made pickles.
This reminded me of my grandmother who passed away this February.
*****
It was the winter time in Delhi,India. The day started in a normal manner but no one had even the slightest idea that it would turn out to be the worst winter morning for us. I was having a gala time with my family when the phone rang. My mother picked up the call and everything changed around me.
"Heart Attack!!"
She exclaimed this in some pain and mostly surprise. All of stopped at our places and minds diverted off the track and towards the phone call. As soon as she cut the call, she broke into tears. My dad rushed towards her and gave her a little comfort in his arms during the most painful time. He asked with trembling voice
"what happened?"
My Mother told her that my Nani (grandmother) suffered from a severe heart attack last night.
Everything went black for me. I felt as if someone took away one of my reasons to stay alive. Since my childhood, I had an unspoken bond of love with my grandmother. This bond was so strong that I loved her more than my own mother. Whenever we visited her, I used to stay with her for most the time. I enjoyed helping her with kitchen chores,going to the local market with her and the time when we talked a lot i.e the morning walk. I quickly revived myself from the nostalgic memories.
We quickly packed our bags and were ready to leave for the hospital.
I don't know why it happened to me but before we left, my dad got a call from my tayaji( brother of my dad). He said that leave Rupish at our place as my Nani's condition is stable now. My dad left me at his place and rest(Mum,pa and my sister) left for the 4 and a half hours long journey.
Till date I curse myself that I agreed with this decision.
I was really very worried all the time. I was not in a situation to eat,think or say anything. I felt as if I am trapped in a small box. My hands are tied and I am dying slowly due to asphyxia.
After this point, story splits into 2 halves
My parents reached the hospital. They called me up and told me that Nani is still under danger and nothing can be said. It was like a disaster for me. Expressing those feelings in words is impossible. I know that in this blog , I will sound paradoxical in respect to my previous blogs but I need to share this feeling with you all. I am saying so as life will never be a wonderland for anyone here. Be prepared to face some bitter truths, some unanswerable questions and never ending thoughts.
The Delhi weather is turning out to be a bloom season for the flowers. Almost everyday, people are blessed with beautiful rain droplets falling from the endless sky. Such a weather turns everything serene,pure and beautiful. When the sun rays touch the green leaves, sky gets filled with every color. Walking with bare feet on the wet grass, touching and feeling the pure water droplets and enjoying the bounty of nature, all this is a part of one's perfect life. After my another exhausting week, I finally got some time to enjoy the divine nature. I went outside and strolled towards a park nearby. As soon as I entered the park, I realised the reason that why Aristotle said
"In all things of nature there is something of the marvelous"
I felt as if my eyes are a part of the pearl falling from that leaf tip, my body is like the rain water resting on the carpet of grass after covering a long and exhausting journey from the sky. I felt like a monk who is meditating on Mt. Everest and is in his utmost peaceful state. The surroundings were full of different colors of nature and life. My concept about life i.e "Live Life and Enjoy till you Last" got its deserving justification after enjoying in this rain.
I suddenly got a call from my friend. She was also enjoying the weather. Two of us did a little chit chat and as soon as I was about to end the conversation, she said something which washed away all the colors around me. She mentioned that her Nani (grandmother) had brought her home made pickles.
This reminded me of my grandmother who passed away this February.
*****
It was the winter time in Delhi,India. The day started in a normal manner but no one had even the slightest idea that it would turn out to be the worst winter morning for us. I was having a gala time with my family when the phone rang. My mother picked up the call and everything changed around me.
"Heart Attack!!"
She exclaimed this in some pain and mostly surprise. All of stopped at our places and minds diverted off the track and towards the phone call. As soon as she cut the call, she broke into tears. My dad rushed towards her and gave her a little comfort in his arms during the most painful time. He asked with trembling voice
"what happened?"
My Mother told her that my Nani (grandmother) suffered from a severe heart attack last night.
Everything went black for me. I felt as if someone took away one of my reasons to stay alive. Since my childhood, I had an unspoken bond of love with my grandmother. This bond was so strong that I loved her more than my own mother. Whenever we visited her, I used to stay with her for most the time. I enjoyed helping her with kitchen chores,going to the local market with her and the time when we talked a lot i.e the morning walk. I quickly revived myself from the nostalgic memories.
We quickly packed our bags and were ready to leave for the hospital.
I don't know why it happened to me but before we left, my dad got a call from my tayaji( brother of my dad). He said that leave Rupish at our place as my Nani's condition is stable now. My dad left me at his place and rest(Mum,pa and my sister) left for the 4 and a half hours long journey.
I was really very worried all the time. I was not in a situation to eat,think or say anything. I felt as if I am trapped in a small box. My hands are tied and I am dying slowly due to asphyxia.
After this point, story splits into 2 halves
- Story according to Me
- Actual Story
Somehow, I managed to sleep for that night. Next morning, I called my dad and asked the current status. He informed me that She is in a better situation now. Although it provided a bit of relief to my restless soul but I was still very upset, actually more than "just upset". I felt like visiting the most sacred place I knew around, Jhandewali Mata Ka Mandir(a holy temple of Goddess Jhandewalan).
I took the metro and reached my destination after an hour. I just burst into tears as I felt as if my grandmother has left me alone.
Somehow the never ending day passed and the next day, my father told me that she is safe and they are coming back for a week or two.
I was anxiously waiting for my parents. As soon as they reached the home, they informed me that my Grandmother passed away.
My heart is bleeding as I am typing this blog. But somehow I will try to complete it as I started this with a question in mind and I want to put it forward to all my dear readers.
Actual Story was my parents got the worst news on their way and since then they cried their eyes out.
The cremation was done as per Hindu Rituals.
I never got to see her and won't even get this chance ahead.
*****
One word "Grandmother" took me 5 months back in time. All the colors of my life faded away. After 5months, I emerged little stronger but with an unbearable loss.
After this, I ended the call with my friend and I got a question in my mind.
What life is all about?
Is it just meant to create relationships with other so that hundreds cry when you die? Or is it just meant to face all the problems thinking that one day you will live for your own self and before that day comes, you get tranquility of white? Or is it meant to carry so many responsibilities on your shoulder and then suddenly leaving all of them to sleep forever?
Such thoughts overshadow the colors of "happy living".
For further reference, Read
Life-Definition of its own
