"I must tell someone about this."
"No, I can't"
"But I have to. I cant hold it within me."
"Can you face this world after telling it to someone?"
"No, I won't be able to but what should I do?"
"I have to take it."
"I just can't. Please help me."
"I have to be stronger."
"But its killing me."
"Then IMPLODE but hold it."
"I will EXPLODE."
"And then what? What will you gain from that?"
*** *** ***
In life, everyone faces such moments that can't find an escape route. Every person goes to grave with such moments clung tightly to himself/herself. Even if you want to, you just can't do it. And every such moment leaves you with a quest, a quest that only you can solve and solve it all alone. And the quest is to stop it from leaking out.
Human brain is programmed in such a way that we don't think much before sharing the day-to-day incidents with people around us. It gives us a sense of pleasure and content to share what we think with people we love. But these "X-moments" are meant to stay a mystery or a blank page in this book named "My Life". You don't even feel like sharing them with yourself, forget about anyone else around. So, what to do when one part of your brain forces you to do the usual while the other part tells you that it is infeasible?
What to do when you just want to go out and shout out loud?
What to do when you are just breaking from within and hurting yourself but it still seems impossible to share your feelings?
What to do when you want to cry but you can't because it won't serve any constructive purpose?
In such situations, you tend to bargain with yourself. Here you have two grand bargains that you tend to make with yourself.
1) When I will share my deep down emotions with someone, he/she might be able to help me out. Maybe he/she would be able to tell me something that I am missing out. Maybe I will find a way out of this suffering and then live a happy life ever after. This pursuit of happiness may find its final destination if I just get to speak my heart out in front of someone I trust.
If our brain has already given up and is left with little power to come up with any bargain breaker, we submit in front of the problem and talk to someone.
Let me be clear to all my readers that I am not implying that it won't help. And I can't imply that because I, myself, don't know the way out of this riddle-like-situation and by this blog, even I am trying to learn. Probably sharing your problems will help you. But probably it won't.
If you think it won't then the other half of the brain is clever enough to come up with a grand bargain breaker to keep us swirling in this mental state of stupefaction.
1*) When I will tell someone about this incident, I will be sharing some personal part of my life with him/her. Can I trust him/her? If someday he/she plans to use it against me or blabber this in front of anyone else? What will happen if this thing comes out? Am I really ready to share it with someone? Am I?
This perplexed situation gets more perplexed when you are in this loop of confusion. And its a human tendency to address uncertainty and negativity first. It is usually done to solve it and get rid of it but in some cases this muddle gets so sticky that only a focussed mind can get us out of it. But our brain has already capitulated in front of this problem and is just ready to accept the fate. Hence, this grand bargain stands.
If it does not, then comes the second bargain from the other part of our brain. This second bargain is weaker in front of the first one as our brain has already started to get exhausted.
2) When I will share this problem with him/her, probably I will get some sympathy. Maybe this extra-attention will give me some strength to absorb some more. Right now I am weak and not in a situation to stay alone. If someone will tag along with me, I would probably get some energy and that "Feel Good Factor" by my side.
This emotional approach does not have any strong grounds. In other words, a rational thinker will not pay any heed to such arguments. But as mentioned above, rationality is already presented (with respect) in front of the problem and the person is all set to accept the fate.
But the most dreaded part is if you come up with the second bargain breaker also. And it is so because in the end the purpose is not fulfilled. You will get even more confused and keep having those ambiguous thoughts of moving either side. But as every side has tied you up with strings, you stay within the loop, hurting and punishing yourself.
2*) What the hell am I thinking? Am I so bad that I need to use some personal problem to gain this attention? Have I really lowered my standards to this extent?
These questions are self-answered as a person seldom accepts any negative quality, unless forced to. As a strong individual, you take the decision not to tell anyone but for a moment, you forget that your brain is not out of those cobwebs holding you within the loop. And sooner or later, when the pain and problem strikes again, this algorithm gets going again. And it will keep on happening unless you consciously take a strong decision and decide never to look back.
"No, I can't"
"But I have to. I cant hold it within me."
"Can you face this world after telling it to someone?"
"No, I won't be able to but what should I do?"
"I have to take it."
"I just can't. Please help me."
"I have to be stronger."
"But its killing me."
"Then IMPLODE but hold it."
"I will EXPLODE."
"And then what? What will you gain from that?"
*** *** ***
In life, everyone faces such moments that can't find an escape route. Every person goes to grave with such moments clung tightly to himself/herself. Even if you want to, you just can't do it. And every such moment leaves you with a quest, a quest that only you can solve and solve it all alone. And the quest is to stop it from leaking out.
Human brain is programmed in such a way that we don't think much before sharing the day-to-day incidents with people around us. It gives us a sense of pleasure and content to share what we think with people we love. But these "X-moments" are meant to stay a mystery or a blank page in this book named "My Life". You don't even feel like sharing them with yourself, forget about anyone else around. So, what to do when one part of your brain forces you to do the usual while the other part tells you that it is infeasible?
What to do when you just want to go out and shout out loud?
What to do when you are just breaking from within and hurting yourself but it still seems impossible to share your feelings?
What to do when you want to cry but you can't because it won't serve any constructive purpose?
In such situations, you tend to bargain with yourself. Here you have two grand bargains that you tend to make with yourself.
1) When I will share my deep down emotions with someone, he/she might be able to help me out. Maybe he/she would be able to tell me something that I am missing out. Maybe I will find a way out of this suffering and then live a happy life ever after. This pursuit of happiness may find its final destination if I just get to speak my heart out in front of someone I trust.
If our brain has already given up and is left with little power to come up with any bargain breaker, we submit in front of the problem and talk to someone.
Let me be clear to all my readers that I am not implying that it won't help. And I can't imply that because I, myself, don't know the way out of this riddle-like-situation and by this blog, even I am trying to learn. Probably sharing your problems will help you. But probably it won't.
If you think it won't then the other half of the brain is clever enough to come up with a grand bargain breaker to keep us swirling in this mental state of stupefaction.
1*) When I will tell someone about this incident, I will be sharing some personal part of my life with him/her. Can I trust him/her? If someday he/she plans to use it against me or blabber this in front of anyone else? What will happen if this thing comes out? Am I really ready to share it with someone? Am I?
This perplexed situation gets more perplexed when you are in this loop of confusion. And its a human tendency to address uncertainty and negativity first. It is usually done to solve it and get rid of it but in some cases this muddle gets so sticky that only a focussed mind can get us out of it. But our brain has already capitulated in front of this problem and is just ready to accept the fate. Hence, this grand bargain stands.If it does not, then comes the second bargain from the other part of our brain. This second bargain is weaker in front of the first one as our brain has already started to get exhausted.
2) When I will share this problem with him/her, probably I will get some sympathy. Maybe this extra-attention will give me some strength to absorb some more. Right now I am weak and not in a situation to stay alone. If someone will tag along with me, I would probably get some energy and that "Feel Good Factor" by my side.
This emotional approach does not have any strong grounds. In other words, a rational thinker will not pay any heed to such arguments. But as mentioned above, rationality is already presented (with respect) in front of the problem and the person is all set to accept the fate.
But the most dreaded part is if you come up with the second bargain breaker also. And it is so because in the end the purpose is not fulfilled. You will get even more confused and keep having those ambiguous thoughts of moving either side. But as every side has tied you up with strings, you stay within the loop, hurting and punishing yourself.
2*) What the hell am I thinking? Am I so bad that I need to use some personal problem to gain this attention? Have I really lowered my standards to this extent?
These questions are self-answered as a person seldom accepts any negative quality, unless forced to. As a strong individual, you take the decision not to tell anyone but for a moment, you forget that your brain is not out of those cobwebs holding you within the loop. And sooner or later, when the pain and problem strikes again, this algorithm gets going again. And it will keep on happening unless you consciously take a strong decision and decide never to look back.
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