Mind Boggles

Hi folks!!
I am back with my blogging stuff.
How are you all?
I hope its all good at your end because today I need some help. Last few days have not been a cake walk for me. A very weird and frightening thought is stuck in my mind.
What if I am in pain and left alone in darkness?
What if I keep shouting for some help and there is no one to listen to me?

More than all this, the thought that has been troubling me the most is what if my closest people become reason for my pain!
Inflicting more pain on a painful soul is something that takes it beyond the level of getting repaired. A person feels the weakest when his/her own people cause immeasurable pain. As they are your "own people", most probably that won't be intentional. Sometimes, it is but usually it is not. Even if it is an unintentional attack, you are the one who suffers. You suffer heartbreak and darkness over shadows all the wonderland feelings.
Own people are those whose happiness and sadness affects you. They are those special people in your life who, as per you, are always meant to stay happy. Any pain afflicted on them can bring you on your knees. In Hindi, they are called अपने, in French they are called Propre Peuple but irrespective of the spelling and language of this word, pain is the same and so is the worry for their well-being.

                                                                        *****
Today was a big and terrifying day for my parents. But for me, it was kind off an adventure(even though I knew the repercussions of a positive result).
Yeah, positive..
For a change, the word positive was not that a positive thing.
I went in with the headphones pushed inside my auditory canals and Adele was trying to sooth me down using some fire in the rain.

Me:- Ma'am, here is the prescription slip of the doctor. I am here to get few tests done.
Attendant:- You?? Do you want to get ECG and chest X-ray conducted??
Me:- Yes ma'am. Kindly guide me further.

She took me to a lab assistant who again was amazed to see a 20 years old getting such serious tests done. He took me in and got both the tests done. He handed over the reports to a doctor. He looked at me and then at the reports.
I was thinking to myself that maybe he will come up with some killer inference like myocardial infarction or some other word justifying angina pectoris.
He was quite happy to tell me that all the reports look normal to him.I thanked him, took my reports and returned to my Adele.
No joyous feeling, no happiness and no relief.
My parents hugged me tightly to express their happiness and took a breath of relief.
                           
                                                                        *****
Near and dear ones are always there to support you especially during a rough phase of yours. But what if they are causing this rough patch?
Who would you run to?
Where would you seek to bring solace to your restless soul?
When I thought of such a situation, my mind boggled. It brought chill shocks to my spine and left my arrector pili muscles working with full energy.
These shocks took away my happiness of getting the negative reports.
And yeah, sometimes negative is nice.
I felt that my entire life is dependent on few pillars out of which the pillar named "ME" is not strong enough to support and sustain a life in my body for long enough. I got a little afraid of white- the color of tranquility. It reminded me of a junior of mine who always said," Bhaiya, I am afraid of many things but my biggest fear is white color." But then the reason for our fear of the same color is different.
He is afraid of white because he doesn't want his body to be disposed off without leaving a mark that would remain after him. He wants to do something incredible so that the world always remembers his name. And in my case I was afraid of the connection between "MY WORLD" and "WHITE COLOR". I don't ever want the two of them to merge together and leave me all alone.
Due to this depressing thought, my mind kept boggling and I thought of two main things

• My life without my loved ones
• My life with my loved ones but against me

My mind is still lost in these insane thoughts and maybe won't find solace if I keep thinking. The only way to keep it under my control is to remember what Lord Krishna has quoted in Shrimad Bhagavat Gita

"our senses our like horses and our mind is that charioteer who is responsible to control the movement of those horses"

And I Feel So Lonely....

Today my colleges re-opened for the next academic year.
I was supposed to be excited,happy and in crusading zeal. Instead, I was drowning in my self created black water of thoughts. There are times when you wait for something to happen but when it actually happens, you feel that it was useless waiting for that thing to happen. Something like this happened with my excitement for the colleges to re-open.
Such perplexed thoughts eclipse the beauty of the day. Person gets baffled by his own thought machinery. In the end, all these thoughts find their concentric center at "being lonely".

A person associates his/her low points by pasting the label of being lonely in life. Every one feels that life could have been better if someone would have been their. Someone,in whom we can find solace, a place just meant for "me". Someone with whom we can share all our pains. One with whom we can sit for hours and share inanity of our silly mind. A person in front of whom we can say anything,do anything, feel anything and share anything.
A person's one forth part of the life goes into drain just to find this "someone". Some lucky ones find the "someone" in their partner while the unlucky one's try to kill their loneliness using other means(like I am writing this blog to do the same :P). Even if you are having a partner, he/she may not be available when you need them. In that case, such absurd thoughts gasps into your mind.
But the question is that
Why do we always need someone when we know that we will be alone at most of the crucial situations in our life?

This can be considered as an inevitable desire of a person or ineffable need of the restless soul within our body. A person just needs a comforting hand going through the hair and giving the needed halt from the unstoppable struggle of this "not so chosen lifestyle". After an exhausting day, a person just needs that care and love which cant be quenched with any 7 hours sleep.

                                                                             ******
Just while typing this blog, I came across a beautiful quote which gave me the needed strength and prepared me to face the next morning with the energy level at which I can lead any juggernaut. Its from some Anonymous source-
"When you are feeling lonely, your are actually an inch closer to millions of people who are having the same feeling at this moment"

I hope that it will be of some help for all those who are still feeling
Lonely!!!
P.S- One can win any battle alone man.... 
Lets Go For The Glory!!!

If I knew Then Whatever I Know Now

From a long time, I was cogitating of something good to write on. Every night, I sat in front of my laptop and ended up watching some sitcom or movie. But today something weird happened.

Though it gave me an idea to write on or Should I say a Question to think upon. But thinking about that topic made me come to see every color on my face. Initially I felt quiet low, then better, much better and finally the best. Now I am brimming with thoughts and energy.
Life is so interesting guys, it just throws new situations on you at any moment. Not wasting any time, let’s start off with the situation (the one I faced today).
                                                                            *****
Today, I switched on my laptop and saw an old friend's name on a social networking site. She made me think of the last time we conversed. It was not a healthy discussion. Confusion lead to altercation.
We fought and then she stopped talking to me. With time, I moved on and forgot her completely until today afternoon. I messaged her admitting my mistakes and apologized for them. But she started off with the mess again. I wasn't in a state to take more so I just told her that I am sorry for my second approach to improve our relation.
After that moment of rage and anger passed, I felt little depressed. But this girl provided me with a game that made the energy spurt into my body again from its reserves. I call that game as:-

                                                    If I Knew Then Whatever I Know Now

When we look back at our mistakes, we cry or laugh or a bit of both of them. But what would you have done if you knew that how things will sprout up in the future? Would you have quit your job before? Would have married your husband or wife? Would you have returned to your country before it was too late?

Now, its to time think guys. All the things that you rued upon, things you want to edit or even remove from your past.
What would you have done if I would have given you a time machine??

When I see back, I feel that sometimes I never thought that I am committing such a big blunder. I didn't have any idea that what I am doing or saying today can hurt someone or me back. Rarely, things are different from my side but the end result kept itself pretty same. I made my end clear but the other side changed its usual course. Things went topsy-tervy in both the cases. Sometimes in life you know that what you are about to do can be a mistake but you are never certain that it is a mistake. The only way to find if it’s a mistake is to make the mistake and look back and say that “Yep!! It was a mistake”. One should commit such mistakes to know and learn more about mistakes (even I think I have committed some mistakes in this sentence :P).  Sometimes, you think of doing good but it goes the wrong way. Saying what you exactly feel (at the wrong time) is also a mistake. Some mistakes gives us experience while some ruin a part of our life. Some become precious moments in life while some may turn the air blue.

Playing this game and looking back at all the mistakes made me learn few important things. Mistakes are important part of one’s life. They teach us or test us. They are meant to be fought with courage and patience. They are like a barometer of our life which indicates that how much we evolved with time.

A person experiences different events in his life. Everyone goes through thick and thin. Some are worse, some are great and some are encouraging while some shatter your confidence. But how can one find out if he evolved after going through all this or regressed back?

 Mistakes are the right pick to find this out friends. Think about them again. Construct a whole situation again, keeping in mind the things faced by the other side due to you, inference, path taken to reach the outcome. After this, you will come to know about your current level. Your take on that situation will change if you have evolved or regressed. BE HONEST TO YOURSELF and your answer will lie somewhere in your mind.

“What life has taught and made me till now?”

Try to find out the answer.

                                                                   *****

After following what I said (for the fight I mentioned before), I thought

...

.....

.....

She deserved it and I rocked it!!!
:P

P.S- I called her up. Listened to her feelings and now everything is back on track.